Nearly 3 AM, why am I here Jeff, why?

It’s 3 AM and I can’t sleep, so I’m typing my first blog post. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m happy about this. I have had much worse 3 am’s in my time.

Here comes the shedding of any image I (n)ever had.

Ah 3 am. There was the time I got an accidental head job off a tranny in thailand at about 3 am. Met a girl, went back to her place. Found out it was a him afterwards. He/She/It left a dirty hickey on my neck and also robbed me when I went to the toilet, as I stupidly left my shorts on the floor post release. You could say I’m comfortable in my own skin, once everyone knows the score, so nude wandering seemed acceptable. Also, intoxication. My mate saw the hickey the next day and raised his hand in happiness. Instead of being stoked about the proffered high 5, I felt like utter shit and didn’t want to leave our hostel all day.

3 am is often a time of sleep and dreaming. And you know something’s not too good when you wake up, mid sleep-fart, only to realise it may have been a bit more than a fart after something you ate the night before. Shat the bed at 3 am? Yeah I’ve done that before, but not for at least like 6 months or so, maybe even a year. I think this is why my girlfriend now insists I wear jocks to bed if the belly’s gurgling. She’s obviously not as much of a risk taker as me.

I don’t know the amount of people I’ve found dead at 3 am. It was part of my old job and if someone was on the way out, I found that it was often between 2- 4 that you would find them dead. It generally wasn’t an unexpected thing, but at times it could be a bit depressing. I liked to leave the window open afterwards.

I’ve found myself awake at 3 am after a breakup, wondering what went wrong and what I could have done to change it. I’ve also lain awake at 3 am next to a girl who I wouldn’t normally lie next to in a more sober state, and wondered how I ever got myself stuck in such a situation. Names are unimportant when you both can’t remember each others. Condoms on the other hand….

Hindsight is both a blessing and a curse at times, as it’s easy to look at things objectively when you’re not in the moment.

I’ve walked home eyeballed drunk multiple times at 3 am, falling into, onto and through more things than I wish to think about. My longest walk was 15.7km’s, from the city centre of Mackay out to a place called black beach. I had half a kebab in my sock which I finished eating a few hours later as the sun came up, still on the road of course. I actually found the experience, in retrospect, to be somewhat enjoyable.

So 3 am. What insights will you share with me tonight? Then again, this being my first post, I should be sharing them with you, the reader.

But how much do I want to share? How much of myself am I willing to show to the world? Part of me contemplated writing a blog about guitar pedals and the noises/sounds I like to make, with links to music and video clips and stuff. I also contemplated writing about my hopes to take my music to the street and busk for the first time, an adventure I have been preparing for the past few months.

Then I started writing and the first thing I wrote about was the time a tranny gave me a blow job. Now I’m not so keen to share who I am. Any shred of integrity I may have had, has been stripped out from under me within moments. But part of me doesn’t really care. Because it’s not something I’m embarrassed about, it’s just part of my history. The past is intangible, I can’t change it, I can only choose to hide it or laugh at it.


it’s Monday


my time to hide

it’s my time to

Summon the Gods

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